Algo que me llena de angustia y tengo que descargar..

Escuchando: Cascade
Emoción: Kimochi warui..
Frase de hoy: I'm 8eing me


VRISKA: This is perfect! 
VRISKA: That means all you have to do is put it on when you wake up, then come find me the next time you go to sleep! 
JOHN: yeah... 
JOHN: maybe.
VRISKA: May8e? 
JOHN: i'll think about it. 
VRISKA: You'll THINK a8out it?? 
JOHN: well, yeah. 
JOHN: it sounds like an important item, so deciding what to do with it is kind of a big responsibility. 
JOHN: it's supposed to bring ghosts back to life, but we don't know how it works. 
JOHN: what if it only keeps you alive as long as you're wearing it? 
JOHN: that would mean only one ghost could come back. 
VRISKA: Right! All the 8etter reason to let me use it! 
JOHN: but there are a lot of ghosts! 
JOHN: i'm just not sure what to do yet. 
VRISKA: W8. You're not ACTUALLY thinking of giving it to someone else, are you? 
VRISKA: That's my ring! The orange guy gave it to ME! 
JOHN: the ring is mine for now, so i'm the one who has to figure out what to do with it. 
JOHN: speaking of waking up, it's probably time i got going too. 
JOHN: i'm not trying to join the mutiny or anything, but i do have friends waiting for me out there. 
VRISKA: John, w8! 
VRISKA: I hope we're not parting on 8ad terms here. 
VRISKA: We're still cool, right John? 
JOHN: uh... 
VRISKA: If you have to leave, I get that, 8ut I really want us to stay friends! 
VRISKA: I always felt like we had a special 8ond, John. Like we're 8oth always in the position of having to take charge as leaders, even if we never asked for that responsi8ility. 
VRISKA: And I don't wanna pressure you into anything, 8ut I would really appreci8 it if you'd at least think a8out me next time you take a nap with that ring on! 
JOHN: it's fine. we can stay friends. 
JOHN: i don't really like to make enemies with people, even if they're... 
VRISKA: Even if they're what? 
JOHN: umm.
JOHN: vriska, i have to be honest. years ago when we first talked, it was a lot of fun to get to know you. 
JOHN: and i admit i thought about you a lot since then. 
JOHN: but i guess i never quite realized how little i actually understood you. 
JOHN: during this crazy treasure quest, i tried to reserve judgment, like maybe it was just a troll thing i didn't get. 
JOHN: but seeing how those other guys felt about it, i think it's more complicated than that. 
JOHN: obviously not all trolls are like you. 
JOHN: and i know i'm not. 
JOHN: maybe this was all for a good cause, but it still felt like a pretty fucked up way to go about it. 
JOHN: and... 
JOHN: all i'm saying is, i'm ready to go. i've seen enough, and i miss my friends. 
JOHN: i'll think about what to do with the ring, but honestly... 
VRISKA: Honestly what? 
JOHN: again, i am just keeping it real! 
JOHN: but if i am really thinking hard about who i should bring back to life... 
JOHN: i dunno if my conscience can justify bringing back someone so... 
JOHN: dangerous.



VRISKA: Fine. 
VRISKA: Don't give me the ring then. 
VRISKA: Actually, you know what? Even if you change your mind some day, forget it! 
VRISKA: I don't even want it anymore. 
JOHN: you don't? 
VRISKA: No. 
VRISKA: I've 8een dead this long. What's a little longer? 
VRISKA: Keep your ring. I don't want anyone's pity. 
JOHN: ... 
VRISKA: ........ 
VRISKA: Look, you made yourself perfectly clear. You think I'm a heartless monster, and you don't want to help me out. 
VRISKA: .......



VRISKA: The treasure's down there. 
VRISKA: So I'll just say this. 
VRISKA: It was supposedly a weapon that once 8elonged to him. 
VRISKA: 8ut he could never use it without altering its nature. 
VRISKA: Meaning he could only use it once. So he did. 
VRISKA: After that, it could only 8e used again one more time. 
VRISKA: And only as a weapon against him. 
VRISKA: Knowing it was one of the keys to his defeat, he had it locked away deep in the void. 



VRISKA: Not that it would even matter to some people. 
VRISKA: You know, they can say whatever they want a8out me. 
VRISKA: 8ut somewhere out there is a shimmering new universe growing in a 8ig 8all of water. 
VRISKA: He's looking hells of majestic. Amphi8ious and resplendent. His glorious croak would 8ring you to your knees. 
VRISKA: That universe is going to give life to 8illions of trillions of zillions of cute little aliens. 
VRISKA: You could walk up to one of those aliens and put your hand on its innocent shoulder, and with a str8 face you could say, "Sorry to 8r8k it to you. 8ut tomorrow, a guy named Lord English is going to destroy your universe. You are all going to die." 
VRISKA: And when that alien looks up at you with tears in its eyes, just 8efore the first one rolls down its weird alien cheek, you lean in close to its a8surd alien ear and whisper, "Psyche." 
VRISKA: That's 8ecause you know a long time ago, in an o8scure pocket of reality the alien could never understand or give a shit a8out, some crazy girl sacrificed the "lives" of a 8unch ghosts in order to kill that guy forever. 
VRISKA: They were already a million sweeps past their prime, existing on 8orrowed time, luxuri8ting in a kind of 8izarre metaphysical longevity few others will ever enjoy. 

VRISKA: I only ever wanted to do the right thing no matter how it made people judge me, and I don't need a magic ring to do that. 
VRISKA: You don't have to 8e alive to make yourself relevant. 
VRISKA: And you don't have to 8e a good person to 8e a hero. 
VRISKA: You just have to know who you are and stay true to that. 
VRISKA: So I'm going to keep fighting for people the only way I ever knew how.



VRISKA: 8y 8eing me.

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Una persona jamás va a poder cambiar si es su entorno el que la convierte en lo que es..
Y aunque cambié, y sé que lo hice, y me esforcé.. Siempre voy a seguir siendo la perra.. Y sé que lo merezco, sé que me lo busqué, y que aunque haya cambiado, ninguno lo va a creer, porque no quieren hacerlo. Lo sé.

Pero voy a seguir siendo yo.. No voy a comportarme como ellos quieren que lo haga, solo porque ellos creen que soy un personaje.. Soy una persona, con todo lo que ello implica.
Y abrazo mi cuerpo, mi personalidad.. Y mi alma.

Y hoy, en esta noche, a las tres de la mañana, voy a tirar esa foto.. Y esa taza. Y ese dibujo. Y todo lo que encuentre de esa persona que me da tanto, tanto asco en este momento.
Mata ashita, ano basho de?

No va a ser mañana, y ya no hay ningún lugar.

Jamás sentí el estómago tan revuelto en mi vida. Es comparable quizás, con lo que sentía Alex luego de que lo sometieran al método Ludovico cada vez que se veía envuelto en un acto violento o sexual.. O de escuchar esa sinfonía.. Al menos, no arruinaste esa canción con tus ideas manchadas y completamente podridas por la autocompasión y el rencor absurdo..

Antes comparaba tu cerebro con un río de agua clara, de la cual podía nutrirme, el cual era maravilloso.. Ahora, es solo otro charco de fango maloliente y estancado.. Que asco..

De verdad, qué asco..

Yo voy a seguir siendo yo. La yo de verdad. No esa yo enferma que vos ayudaste a engendrar, a que eche raíces, a que fuera difícil de eliminar, a renacer luego de muerta.
La yo de verdad.. La que conozco cada día. La que pinto de los colores que me da la vida, la que ya no deja que le pinten graffities en la cara..

Se me ocurren miles de "conclusiones" a las que podrías llegar de tan solo leer esto.. Pero no lo vas a leer (mejor, por un lado) y tampoco me importan, sé que son todas una más estúpida que la otra, pero adornadas con palabras bonitas y nombres de autores..

Sí, quizás Vriska sea un personaje. Con el cual a veces me siento identificada, o proyecto, o las pelotudeces que se te ocurran..
Pero yo soy una persona. Y es irónico que yo tenga que decírtelo para que te des cuenta..